Dear Allie Beth Stuckey...
There Is No Such Thing As "Toxic Empathy"
A fool’s mouth lashes out with pride, but the lips of the wise protect them. — Proverbs 14:3
Dear Allie Beth Stuckey,
I finished reading your book, Toxic Empathy, a few weeks ago. Your voice resonates with many due to your ubiquitous presence and persona within the echo chambers of Christiamericanity. Unfortunately, this provides a broad, influential platform for your pseudo-wisdom, which is a polite way of saying “your foolishness.”
The ideas you present are as audacious in their certainty as they are in their foolishness.
As an avowed independent minded empath, I feel compelled to respond to your emphatic, yet erroneous polemic. I feel convicted to offer a different voice —to counter the dangerous, and frankly immoral ideas that you continue to put out in the world. Those ideas are too many to address comprehensively in the scope of this letter, but I intend to address the most significant errors in your judgment. To be completely transparent, I don’t have much faith that anything I write will change your heart and mind.1 But, I am at least hopeful that others with a stronger spirit of discernment will benefit from the information I provide. My intent is to counter your arguments from both an intellectual and a moral/ethical foundation and in a way that straddles both secular and religious world views. My goal in doing this is twofold:
To make information available in the public sphere which exposes both the logical and moral weaknesses of the views which you, and others of similar mindset, have used to infect a significant portion of our nation’s hearts and minds.
To offer you an opportunity to reconsider your world view, in the chance you happen to find this article AND have the courage to both read and consider what I have to say.
I’m confident that I will be quite successful in accomplishing Goal #1. I hope that luck and providence will make Goal #2 a reality as well.
I published the first part of my response to your book a couple of weeks ago. That essay critiqued the intellectual weaknesses of your arguments concerning the idea of “toxic empathy.” I encourage you to read it. Please feel free to message me if you’d like to discuss the points I raised. This open letter to you is the second part of my critique, which will address the moral and ethical shortcomings of your views and rhetoric.
Stay away from a fool, for you will not find knowledge on their lips. — Proverbs 14:7
The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps. — Proverbs 14:15
There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death. — Proverbs 14:12
Before I discuss specific problematic areas in your rhetoric about empathy, I first need to address the way you interpret both your humanity and the world around you. I already dissected this to some degree in Part 1 where my primary focus was on the intellectual/logical fallacies of your arguments. I share a quote from that article here for your convenience:
Ultimately, it is Mrs. Stuckey’s Christofascist world view that impacts her opinions and humanity. Her opinions demonstrate a consistent reliance on illogical reasoning, confirmation biases, and a priori argumentation. This is pretty typical of the Christofascist gestalt, which manifests itself in a uniquely American right-wing religion I call Christiamericanity.
Truth be told, I could have rested my case with just the information I presented in that essay. In terms of intellectual discourse and debate, there is nothing you can counter with that weakens mine or strengthens your case. But, I’m not interested in just “owning” you for the sake of feeling superior. I want to be more surgical than that and expose the root of your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps my efforts will empower you to become more enlightened about yourself. That is if you are a sincere seeker of truth — so much so that you are willing to test the null hypothesis of every theory you hold, even the most dogmatic ones.
Most importantly, I want to illuminate one of the greatest truths I’ve discovered on my own growth journey:
Closed hearts begin with closed minds.
Because ultimately, this is your greatest problem.
As you can see, I’ve interspersed several sage nuggets from this Old Testament book throughout this letter to you. I love the wisdom found in the book of Proverbs, chapter 14. I’m particularly drawn to verse 12 which states:
There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.
I recognize that this is a somewhat familiar piece of Scripture for many Christians. It is often used to preach a message that actually sounds more like this:
“Our particular way is right, regardless of the logical or moral truth behind it, but any other way leads to eternal damnation.”
Does that feel familiar in your spirit? I suppose you might take issue with the adjective phrasing, but beyond that, wouldn’t you agree that this is how you and your likeminded colleagues interpret this verse? Unfortunately, that interpretation is weak compared to the deeper wisdom found in this Proverb.
The conundrum of this verse is that it does not seem to tell us how to determine which “way” is actually right, as opposed to the one that only appears right. It is easy to convince ourselves that the beliefs that “appear right” are those held by “others”2 while my own beliefs are the true “right way”.3 But the answer to that question is actually right in front of us. We just have to focus on the last part — the part which says “but in the end it leads to death.” Therein is the truth of this Proverb:
The “right” way is determined by the fruits of our decisions.
This Proverb teaches us that we can discern the difference between right and wrong choices way by determining the likely outcomes for each. The wrong choice then, is the one that leads to death, destruction, and harm. This is true despite any facade of righteousness that attempts to justify choices or beliefs that only appear to be right. Jesus even taught this in his Sermon on the Mount:
“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them. — Matthew 7:15-20
Your greatest moral flaw is that you come from a corrupt belief system that believes that every person has been preordained to go to either heaven or hell — what you and your fellow Calvinists refer to as “unconditional election” as a result of “limited atonement.” Never mind for now the fact that this theology is born of cherry-picked Scripture, but let's focus on how that impacts how you view yourself and the world around you.
You and other believers of Calvinist, Reformed theology are stuck between two diametrically opposing self images:4
A belief in your total depravity as a human being.
A desperate hope that you are part of the chosen few that God has selected to be saved from eternal damnation
There are numerous problems with this psychology — more than we can cover in the scope of this letter. But there are some important aspects of this thinking that relate to your inability to be able to discern between the “right” way and the “apparent” right way. Allow me to explain…
These two diametric self beliefs create a sort of spiritual bipolarity within your mind.5 On one hand, you see yourself as a wretched sinner who deserves to spend an eternity in hell. On the other, you see yourself as (hopefully) someone who God has elected to save from that fate. But here’s the rub and the root of your moral dilemma — you’ll never be certain of your eternal fate. And that puts you in a truly horrifying predicament — you will never really know if you made the “good list” until you die. So, what this belief does is causes you to mistake FEAR for faith — an exact antithesis to the message of 2 Timothy 1:7.6 This has placed you inside a “bizarro world” version of Christian faith!
I realized this as I read your book and listened to a few of your podcasts. It’s clear to me that your world view and beliefs about the nature of God and his relationship with you means that your fear has obliterated many beautiful, normal human experiences. Such as love. Compassion. Acceptance. And, dare I say it…Empathy. It also helps explain why you are overly reliant on the use of fear tactics in your attempts to emotionally manipulate your listeners and readers.
The other side of your spiritual split personality, the part which believes you are God’s chosen elect, creates the other half of your greatest moral failing: pride and arrogance. This causes you to be morally and intellectually lazy because you believe you have “absolute immunity” from eternal damnation. You have no reason to question whether or not you are right or wrong because you believe your fate is already settled. You are God’s elect, therefore what you believe must be of God. In that half of your mind, you’re on the “good guys” team because you wouldn’t be going to heaven otherwise. I can only imagine the kind of internal sparring this side of you has with your “totally depraved” side. That concoction is more dangerous than a mixture of glycerol with nitric and sulphuric acid.
Which leads to the first point I would like to offer you…
Truth #1 - You are unqualified to speak about empathy because you neither understand nor possess it.
It’s sad, but true. Not only have you consistently failed to make a believable argument for the oxymoronic concept of toxic empathy, you have also not provided any examples of what you consider to be appropriate empathy! The good news is you don’t have to stay this way. But it’s going to take a lot of intentional work on your end to first overcome your fear and then begin the journey towards the way of truth and right. However, that is going to require you to reorient yourself to a purer, unsullied message than the one that currently possesses and influences you.
So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself. — Matthew 27:5
Go and do likewise. — Luke 10:37
What you are about to do, do quickly. — John 13:27
I would not be surprised if you are familiar with this “tongue in cheek” combination of verses. It is the oft-used example of the danger of creating false beliefs via cherry-picked Scriptures. I am curious regarding how much engagement you’ve had with scholarship that opposes the Reformed theology you believe. It’s difficult to ascertain just from your public writings and speech. As I’ve already pointed out in the first essay, your powers of reason are rather weak, so it’s very possible you do not possess the intellectual capability to understand the logical frailties of your religious views.7 Likewise, the spirit of fear that guides you could also be reason enough for you to dismiss, much less even entertain, any arguments that stand against your world view.
The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception. — Proverbs 14:8
An honest witness does not deceive, but a false witness pours out lies. — Proverbs 14:5
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. — John 8:32
Do not treat prophecies with contempt, but test them all; hold on to what is good. — I Thessalonians 5:20-21
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. — Matthew 11:28-30
You gotta love the truth bombs found in Proverbs 14, amiright???
I believe that you are a person who wants to think and live rightly. I truly do. You wouldn’t be so bold with your convictions otherwise. I can also see you struggling with some of the beliefs you have, especially the teachings about the role of women espoused by the patriarchy of Reformed theology. That gives me a sliver of hope that you might some day be able to see your way towards truth.
You’re just going to have to find the courage, faith, and humility to do so.
If I may, I’d like to offer some encouragement by way of my second main point:
Truth #2 - True faith does not prohibit, but rather requires questioning.
It’s true! Wouldn’t you agree that a righteous God would never reject or punish someone who is a genuine seeker of truth? As Jesus implied in the passage from John 8 and reinforced in Paul’s letter to Thessaloniki, truth is meant to set you free! Free from what??? From doubt, lies, and fear — the three demons that currently influence your every view about the world, God, others, politics, and yourself. Can’t you see that these are NOT the products of a healthy head and heart?
I exhort you to begin the work replacing your fear with true, unthreatened faith and curiosity about things in the world you can’t understand and/or frightens you. You can begin by considering what I already shared regarding the difference between the right and the apparently right way. Give yourself some space to question every core belief you have in this manner. Look at the fruit of your beliefs. Are they causing harm and destruction or are they fruits of the spirit (more on those in a bit)? If that’s too much to start with, then perhaps take some time to consider why fear is stronger than your faith in God to meet you where you are and his ability to not be threatened by your sincere search for truth. Which leads to this:
Truth #3 - You will remain stuck in your search and understanding of truth until and unless you are able to replace your convictions born of fear and arrogance with the courage and curiosity that comes from faith and humility.
These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught. — Isaiah 29:13 & Matthew 15:7-9
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. — Galatians 5:22-23
I’m going to get right to the next important point based on these passages:
Truth #4 - It’s not your faith but your bigotry, privilege, and politics which controls your world view.
This is a natural consequence of the fear-based, disinterested life you lead. Frankly, it’s my understanding of this aspect of your personality that convinces me that you are not a sociopath. Rather, you are just an eager, yet misguided young woman who wants to be on the right side of truth. I hope I’m right as that is the thing that gives me a sliver of hope for your ability to change.
I made this rather blunt statement in my first essay about your book:
It reads like a sequel to Mein Kampf.
I imagine…or rather hope…that you were offended by that description. If you revel in it, well, that’s a different problem entirely. I included that comparison not to be mean, but because the spirit, language, diatribes, philosophies, and bigotries of your book are in sad harmony with Hitler’s.
Like him, your fear-based self and world views compels you to find manufactured evil in the lives and choices of people you don’t understand or agree with. There is no room for co-existence because their truth threatens that fragile facsimile of your fallacies. Look at it from a biblical perspective concerning what Paul described as the fruit of the spirit.8
Instead of love, you promote hate, bigotry and apathy
Instead of peace, you promote antagonism and vilification
Instead of patience, understanding, and empathy (forbearance), you promote intolerance and toxicity
Instead of kindness, you promote callousness and mean-spiritedness
Instead of righteousness (goodness of character), you promote rightness (caricature of goodness)
Instead of faithfulness, you promote fearfulness
Instead of gentleness and compassion, you promote judgment and punishment
Instead of self-control, you promote arrogance, self-loathing and control of others
Allie Beth, for the sake of truth, humanity, your soul, and righteousness…please take some time to sit with this. These are YOUR fruits whether you believe it or not.
And, like the proverbial bad apple in the bushel, your fruit is rotting that of so many others.
No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. — Luke 16:13
One of the most striking, and frankly damning aspects of your platform is that you seem incapable of having an independent-minded thought. Even your main philosophical points are more or less plagiarized from other sources, or what I call thought authorities. I have yet to find any instance where you have demonstrated any significant disagreement with any of the political or religious thought authorities you seem to follow so blindly and unquestionably. THIS should be enough of a red flag for you to be concerned. Even if nothing else I have pointed out to you is sufficient in causing you alarm. I wrote about the concept of independent mindedness last week. Rather than rehash my points here, I encourage you to read that essay and take the self-evaluation at the end. I expect it to be an enlightening exercise. Assuming, that is, if you are genuinely open to truth and self discovery!
What does that have to do with the passage from Luke quoted above? As I’m sure you know, that verse is often used to preach against materialism and the love of earthly things.9 It certainly is a warning against the dangers of greed and the pursuit of financial gluttony. But more than that, it is a warning against the love of power. Because money is ultimately about power. Which leads to:
Truth #5 - You are guilty of worshipping false idols.
I can hear you scoffing at that, but it doesn’t change the reality. As human beings, we are defined by what we DO, not what we SAY or THINK. The fruit you bear shows that you worship Power. Earthly kings.10 Privilege. Pride. Image. Influence. Superiority. Vanity. The Apostle Paul. The Old Testament. The Bible. Your Religion. Just to name a few.
These ideas, things, and people you admire are as Antichrist as can be.
For some reason, you’ve either forgotten, or more likely, have never met the true Christ — the remarkable one who provided the best model of humility, strength, grace, and…yes…EMPATHY. Here are just a few examples found throughout the Scriptures:
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept — John 11:33-35
When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. — Matthew 9:36
It is a sin to despise one’s neighbor, but blessed is the one who is kind to the needy. — Proverbs 14:21
Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God. — Proverbs 14:31
And the word of the Lord came again to Zechariah: This is what the Lord Almighty said: “Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another. Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the foreigner or the poor. Do not plot evil against each other.” — Zechariah 7:8-10
“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’” — Matthew 25:44-45
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. — Galatians 6:2
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. — Philippians 4:8
It’s right there, Allie Beth. You can’t ignore it. You now have to choose. Are you going to continue down the path that has appeared right to you for so long or will you repent and be more like the Christ you claim to be your Lord? Your choice has the power to heal or to destroy, which leads to:
Truth # 6 - Any further movement in the direction you’ve been going is now willfully chosen, with natural consequences that will be your responsibility to bear.
So here’s the bad news for you…between my two essays and numerous others who have written, podcasted, spoken, preached, reached out, etc., you now have all the information you need to both recognize your wrongdoing and to work to make amends and be better.
Here are your options after all that has been provided to help you:
If you CAN’T see the truth that we have given you, then you are either woefully underdeveloped in terms of emotional and intellectual intelligence, OR you are afflicted with narcissism or even sociopathy.
If you WON’T see the truth, then you are controlled by cultish influence, OR you find too much comfort in the fear and hubris that is keeping you morally and intellectually lazy.
If you SEE the truth, but choose to reject it then you are a liar, charlatan, and fraud and are willfully choosing to be evil.
I’m sorry to be the bearer of this troublesome news, but the reality is that these are the only options for you should you decide to stay where you are.
But the good news is you don’t have to stay.
You CAN choose to be better and do better. I am more than willing to share my experiences with you privately. I’ve been close to where you are now, and had to do my own work to break free from my own shackles of fear, legalism, and hubris. Reach out and I promise you I will engage in a candid, and healing conversation with you. It’ll even stay between us. You have my word on that.
With much empathy and in the spirit of truth,
The Independent Minded Empath
I so wish you will prove me wrong.
In your case, non-Reformed Christian nationalists
The root of what is commonly referred to as “confirmation bias”
What makes this tremendously alarming is that these beliefs, held by many of the most powerful Christian nationalists, are a gateway into the Christofascism that currently infects our country.
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” — 2 Timothy 1:7
I recognize that this may feel like a very offensive statement. I don’t mean it to be anything more than transparent truth.
Galatians 5:22-23
I’m always baffled by how so many Christiamericans nod their heads in solidarity with this message yet worship capitalism and materialism with every other part of their lives.
You really should read the stories about King Saul in the book of I Samuel! And the cautionary tales of the so-called “end times” in Revelation 13!